So I had my first calamity since starting this blog last week. It’s kind of embarrassing but still funny so here it goes. I have been training for a triathlon for the last two months which entails a lot of swimming. I began to tire of toweling off the curly tresses on my chest and decided that a smooth chest was something I would like to try. So I started shaving my chest with some clippers and a razor. My chest hair grows unreasonably fast and I was wondering if there was a better way to keep my chest as smooth as a baby’s behind. Enter Nair. I remembered a strange concoction that is supposed to make you hair virtually melt away with no pain no shaving. So I was sheepishly wandering through Wally World looking at the shaving stuff and was surprised to find that they have Nair for men. I grabbed a bottle with a handy “roller applicator” and sped for the self checkout.
I found the instructions on the bottle to be somewhat similar to those on a speeding ticket which should have been warning enough. Apply, wait at least 4 minutes but no longer than 10. So I lathered up with the smelly goop and started counting. So at about one minute I started to feel a pretty intense burning sensation around my nipolas. I thought that maybe this was normal because you’re not supposed to get the stuff near “sensitive areas”. Yes… I think burning pain is normal; I have no idea why I didn’t take the crap off as soon as I could. I stuck it out for another minute and could take the pain no longer. You remember that incident I had with pepper spray a while back? Well this was about 10 times more painful. So by now I am hopping around the bathroom and trying to wipe off my chest as quick as I can and when I finally get it all off the blood begins to flow. I was bleeding out of every pore on my chest, it was great.
So the next few days were fun going to work sweating and bleeding and itching under a bullet-proof vest for 12 hour shifts, it was great. Showering also seemed to bring back the blood and agony in all its glory.
So the moral of the story is: I am an idiot and Nair is bad mmkay.
7 comments:
We have learned from sad experience that nothing should be put on a man's chest to remove the hair. I have even found that straight up shaving it is a cause for ingrown hairs. I used the Nair for men on my neck and I have had decent results. My nipples would never forgive me if I scarred them. What would happen if I ever had to nurse?
You think I'm not good enough to nurse Eric??? That is a pretty good, but sad, story Tyler. I had to chuckle to myself about the Nair for men and heading to walmart to get some because Eric and I did that just weeks ago. We didn't do his chest though...even though that would be a fun way to torcher Eric.
That might be the best blog post ever. Sorry to hear about your unfortunate incident. The picture looks grotesque, keep us updated on what happens next.
Maybe you should you Nair for women. Remember the time when Julie and Melanie Naired my back. They used the women Nair and it worked just fine, no ingrown hairs or rashes. Good thing I got that taken care of. NOT!!!
Laser Hair removal - ~$5000
Bottle of Nair @ Wal-Mart - $7
Ryan's use of NOT!!! - Priceless
Yeah Ryan, Tyler should use women's nair because the makers of nair thought it would be funny to make Men's Nair give people ingrown hairs and make them bleed...I'm sure they are completely different "recipes".
Hey --
All I'm saying is that I used the women nair and had no problems. Also, the lazer deal was less than 5000 bucks by quite a bit. I got a good deal on it during the grand opening.
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